I top my own kind of charts!

Yesterday my friend linked me to my own blog where an ad for girls' underwear was in the google ads sidebar.... awkward. Anyways, I have just started college as a commuter student. It feels like going on a blind date with some really sexy chick who's a lesbian- so close, but something's not right. I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A FLAMING FIRECRACKER ^.^ really, it went flying past my face! Amidst the naked guitarists in their dorms and the drunken Hyundai drivers, I went wandering around campus like some lost soul who is not really sure why he hasn't thrown himself off the tallest building on campus, or possibly shoving one of the large, muscular football men 0ff the building instead to relieve my frustration. A great stress reliever is seeing an impossibly built jock who just spent the last three hours pretending to wipe imaginary sweat off his face and apparently forgetting to put his shirt back down so we can all see his rock-hard abs plummet from a building, howling in a voice that goes several octaves higher than the deafening sound of Lady GaGa emanating from countless parties around him.
Another complaint! I want a car. I seem to have been born on the wrong side of Pennsylvania. It seems like all my friends and all the hot girls are on the west side.... So, I need a car. The problem with this is that I cannot get a job until I have proven that I can keep my grades up. So, every day I drive out in a Fisher-Price (Ford) Focus. "Hey baby, want to take a ride in my STOCK FORD FOCUS?? You know you want to!!" Oh, and this Ford Focus says "Dad of 9" on the front license plate. "You're a dad of nine!?!?!" "HELL yeahhhh." I keep on driving, wishing I could sink below the window.... And then I hear that radio ad again. "I WANNA SEE YA IN A BROWN-DAUB KIA!!!!" I want to see HIM in a mental institute, shivering and begging the guards for the crack they confiscated from his office where he spent all those long hours screaming maniacally into a microphone about cars he probably was too high to ever realize sucked.
Next time I see Nick Jonas broadside a car with his Prius, shrug, and keep driving, I'm going to throw him into a nest of giant fire ants. I would haved already bombed all of Hollywood were it not for hollywood girl.