The Young and the Restless.....

"DANCE! DANCE! LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT!!! THAT'S SOME PRESIDENTIAL BOOGIE RIGHT THERE!!!"
Have you noticed that the country seems to suddenly be shifting its focus toward the younger crowd? We have a younger president, younger technologies, and so on. I wouldn't be surprised if Secret Service men heard the sounds of DDR floating in from the Oval Office (see above). Anyways, this is quite an opportunity for the teens. We have the chance to take over the world!!! Obama is bringing back young and energetic way better than Justin Timberlake ever brought back sexy. In fact, let's think of all the people who have the chance to get massive government funding:



1- Peter Pan. Think of the possibilities! Not only is he young, strong and possibly a female pretending to be a male, then he'll be able to stay young for eternity. Assuming that 3G phone service and Verizon Fios both operate in Never Land. If not, we should probably set up an Internet cable through that star they fly through. Or a wormhole..... Who knows what magical stuff Peter Pan was on when he called a time/space warp a "star".



2- The Jonas Brothers. They command legions of girls who are essentially zombies. They are, in fact, probably more powerful than the government. Star Wars episode 2 portrayed JoBros fans very well as the clone armies. Just paste Joe's head on Yoda in your mind. (Does that even work?....) "When you look me in the eyes/ and tell me that you love me/ I can feel the force flowing through you....."



3- Edward Cullen. Move over, airbrushed-CG effects! It's an all-natural Hollywood star with the best impersonation of a dying lawnmower ever! He made humans look slow, stupid and lazy- until he met Michael Phelps, Bill Gates, and Chuck Norris. Then he uttered an exclamation of shock and surprise: "MMMmbbbbghmmmphibbibblebummph!"



The Moral of the Story: Young people will always have limitless potential and be almost half as awesome as Optimus Prime. If you want to beat out Peter Pan and (please, PLEASE) beat out the Jonas Brothers, set some lofty aspirations; the world is looking for that right about now.